Hard day.
Work was easy, once I showed up. But I came home and started answering emails from the past few weeks, re-reading things I had forgotten. Dealing with the charity that's taking the dialysis stuff. Trying to find out what's up with my "survivor benefits" check. It just hit me... the guilt that my brain knows I shouldn't feel but my heart feels anyway. Desolation. Self-recriminations. Anger. A lot of anger. Irrational fear that all of this will be with me forever.
Is it irrational? Maybe it does stay with you forever.
I need to write. I need to be alone and just feel it, get it out. But I'm scared.
I'm not actually as strong as people think I am; I've just been borrowing strength from someone else, and I need to wean myself off of that. I have to be able to stand up on my own. Soon.
2 comments:
it most likely will stay with you,but you can use dana as your role model and draw strength from it.
I love you so much and just admitting it all to yourself is what you need to be strong. i'm very proud of you i can wait to read what you write.
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